I am supposed to be programming some filter functions into a website when I write this blog entry. (Yeah yeah, I know it is not what I was supposed to be doing, me programming a website and all sounds like Bullshit, But Why?! It helps me pay for my bills :-).)
I have been under a lot of pressure lately, from parents or should I say parent, my Mom of course, she has been driving me nuts asking for my Salary slip probably to put me up for sale in some matrimony site and guess what! even a computer illiterate like her knows there are matrimony websites and was suggesting I put a profile up there.
After watching the above Leonard Hon video (A guy who makes life out of wedding videography and who is real damn good at it), I decided to write somethings about relationships in my life. Worth a read when I get old.
I feel like you know one of those stuffed teddy bear put in a toy store shelf waiting be sold to some little 6 year old girl who will see it and like it and then annoy her parents to buy her the teddy. And the teddy even gets to sleep with the girl :-D.
But life isn't so smooth for the teddy, the teddy never had a say about anything in its life or the girl who bought the teddy.
Things have been on a downhill in the relationships, the previous one was a total disaster when I asked the girl for a photo and she freaked out. Said "I do not give my photos to strangers", even after one year of knowing her. Always made excuses that her aunt died and her other aunt is down with Asthma when I asked to meet with her.
Coming to think of it I do not know if I had a uphill with relationships.
Lets rewind the clock back to exactly, to October 2006 back in Cognizant technology solutions where a weird psycho was taking class on soft skills and asked me who my first crush was and I replied so innocently with "It was my 486 PC when I was 13 years old" - My Mom sold the PC without even asking me it was a sad day for me, I used to play old the "Duke Nukum" Platformer in that when I used to go to Kuwait, even though I had a Playstation beside me.
Then there were the dreams of the mysterious "Girl" and she was a bitch too, got married without even inviting me. I guess that is the closest I have gotten to a girl, at least I said I love her by looking at her eyes.
During my days in Chennai I got in touch with 2 women. One an old acquaintance a very lively girl, I should have met her for a face to face chat when she invited me to Ascendas, but on that very day my 500 GB HDD developed a bad sector and I was running to Ritche Street to get it repaired (important data you see) so that meet went to the drain. But I guess she was not my type, lived in a fantasy world. She got married to some dude in TCS. I did not even attend her marriage (even after a personal invite, got food poisoning on the eve of marriage) I hope they are living their life to the fullest.
Which brings me to the other Woman, lets call her Irene, the most interesting relationships develop in the most unexpected places. I met her online in a game called Human-Age, from the moment I met her I knew that this world has at least one woman who had the qualities which I seek in my life partner. And to this day Irene is the person who is the closest female friend I have. I still pop questions about proposing, dating, girl psychology to her whenever I am in doubt on what needs to be done.
So that is a short summary of relationships I had so far, yup most are just crappy fantasies and some just weird and freaky. As I grow older everyday I question myself on the question of getting married, with my parents pressuring me from one side (I have become independent of their pushes and pulls they try to impose on my life since I left to Cognizant where I kind of changed myself). I do not know if I actually falling apart of just going through some phase in my life. I just feel not ready to take up the responsibility of a relationship. I do not believe that relationships between two person can be developed overnight or couple of months via an arranged marriage (theory states otherwise, that arranged marriages are pretty successful.) Most of the time it works here too, take two pieces of wood, apply super glue on the flat surfaces and the press glued surfaces together with our hands supporting the either sides.
- First piece of Wood == Groom in Arranged Marriage
- Second piece of Wood == Bride in Arranged Marriage
- Super Glue == The Wedding ceremony (and things of similar kind)
- The hand holding the first piece of wood == Groom's Family
- The hand holding the second piece of wood == Bride's Family
Recently I have been having thoughts on the complexity of the relationships, and it is way complex. some have even tried to explain it via the use of game theory, it is a good read and worth a shot. But it does a bit more than reducing the decision of two people based on mathematical equations, prisoner's dilemma and relationship matrices. It involves people making sacrifices, compromises, understanding one other, taking decisions. I guess I am not ready for any of those, not yet.
I believe that one should go out there and find a mate for themselves and it is not the job of their parents do so.
Maybe one day I will or Maybe not.
